Experience is what you get when you didn't get what you wanted...
View Article  Still Tubed.....
Unfortunately I am still tubed.
 
I had my bone marrow Biopsy last week - and the initial results are fine - no sign of the leukaemia returning - which is as expected, but still nice to hear.
 
They want to do closer examination of the sample and check my "degree of chimerism"....   In non-med-speak that means they look at the DNA in a selection of the white cells to see if it is all from my donor - or whether any of them still have my original DNA.
 
If there is a mix it would be bad news - it would mean there are still some of my old marrow stem cells functioning - meaning there's still potential for them to go wrong and bring back the leukaemia.  It seems there is only one technician who can do those tests, she's recently back from wedding leave, with a backlog - so it will be 2-3 weeks at least before we get those results...    Again - I will practice waiting.
 
As a side note - in medicine a Chimera is "a person composed of two genetically distinct types of cells".  In Greek mythology it's "a  fire-breathing she-monster with a lion's head and a goat's body and a serpent's tail". Sounds a lot more interesting, but getting blood transfusions would be a bitch.
 
And the Hickman line?  It seems they agreed to remove it because I've been bugging the doctor about it.  But talking to the nurses (who are the ones at the front lines) it turns out they would all be much happier if I kept it in. 
 
For transplantees with unrelated donors the line usually stays in usually in for at least a year post transplant.  I could have it removed and then re-inserted  if needed at some later point - but that would be my 3rd one - and each scar on the vein weakens the the wall a bit more. They could put one in on the left side but that is harder due to the different arrangement of veins and arteries etc.
 
Also my neutrophil counts were lower again yesterday.   The levels fluctuate Normal range is 4 - 6ish and they dont like to cut you open at all if you're below 2..  Mine were at 2 and rising when the doctor agreed I could have the tube out, but the last two counts were 1.5 and 1.3.  They want to delay definitely till I'm back and stable over 2, and "discuss it again then"'. They want me to just let it go until they're ready to take it out on their own schedule, and I know that's the sensible thing to do.
 
It's a bit of a downer, though Kira is more upset than I am - we'd been looking forward to going swimming again  But it's also a reminder that just because things have been going really smoothly so far I dont have any assurance that they will continue to do so - and I do still need to be careful.
 
"first thing you learn is that you always gotta wait"
 
View Article  I am not nervous.
Really.
 
I've given up on being nervous, but I am definitely having a hard time with impatience.  
 
I want my biopsy. I want the results. I want the Hickman line out of my chest, and the stitches can go too. Then I want to swim, shower without a plastic bag taped to my chest, faceplant on the beach without worrying about sand in the wound and perhaps even enjoy a beer.
 
And for dessert please can I have a reduced load of immunosuppressants and the rest of my life back?
 
View Article  Nerves.
Strangely enough I'm getting nervous.  Next week I go back to the hospital for a bone marrow biopsy.  That's not the part that makes me nervous - I've had close to a dozen of them in the past 18 months and know what to expect.  I even know what result to expect - after all I've been having regular blood tests ever since my transplant and all have been clear, so there's no reason to expect this to be any different.
 
Except that it *is* different. I've been reaching a point recently where I go for hours at a time without thinking of leukaemia.  There are multiple cues - pill time, shower time, catching sight of my scalp in a mirror, the feel of my Hickman line in its bag around my neck, or just someone else telling me how well I look. Whatever the cause, I am reminded of my situation frequently throughout the day.  But - slowly it's been getting less intense.  I had some hair for long enough that people have mostly stopped commenting on it.  I even have conversations that end without either of us enquiring after the other's health.
 
And now this biopsy. It's the first one since I was discharged from hospital and I keep finding myself imagining what I'll do if I get the "I'm sorry to tell you" phone call.  I don't expect to get it. I think I'm enough in tune with my body to have an inkling if things were going wrong again - but imagination is what it is, and my monkey mind has got hold of this idea and does not want to let go.
 
Still it's an opportunity to practice my meditation and positive thoughts.  And talking of positive - Darren - my buddy from Africa many years ago, and long term bone marrow transplant survivor himself, is passing through HK on the day that I go in for my tests.  Passing through on his way to London for the Ironman competition I should add. 
 
Now *that* is inspirational. Me - I'm happy to lift a couple of rocks but Darren - he does world class triathlons! Of course, anyone strong, fit, and dedicated enough to qualify for the Ironman is entitled to respect - but knowing that he's come out the far side of leukaemia before doing it is a great marker to remember should I ever be tempted to play the "I can't do that because..." sympathy card.
 
View Article  Good days bad days
It's been a while since I was here.  In fact one person whom I bumped into told me he'd been worried that 'the worst had happened' and so had hesitated to email or call just in case.
 
Let me put paid to that sort of rumour with the words of Mark Twain: reports of my death have been greatly exaggerated......
 
In fact I had a good chat with my doctor on my last hospital visit (on Thursday).  For those who've been counting - I'm now 6 months post transplant!
 
That's a major threshold and various things change.   Diet - "no restrictions, but be sensible - avoid the sushi".    I'm scheduled for another bone marrow biopsy in 3 weeks. If as expected, everything is normal, I can have the Hickman line out if my chest the following week!!!  That, for me, probably the biggest remaining step on the path back to normality.  
 
My immune system is still suppressed by the meds - but we reduce the dosage a little almost every month.  And its working as expected - my red cells and haemoglobin levels are rising back towards normal levels. I haven't had a blood transfusion for a couple of months now and am hopeful that they are a thing of the past for me now.  Certainly I'm feeling less tired and more able to carry on a relatively normal level of activity without needing to punctuate it with frequent naps.    They still dont want me to spend lots of time in centrally ventilated offices because of the risks of infection - but I am planning to start doing some from home.
 
On the bad side - I learned today that another buyer for my flat has dropped out - and I'm back where I was 6 months ago. Except that the UK housing market appears to be tanking and I have no tenant in the flat to pay the mortgage.
 
But as Deb pointed out - imagine how I'd be feeling if the news had been the other way round - say I'd sold the flat, and the leukaemia had come back?   It's all about remembering what's really important...
View Article  Back to hospital...
I'm heading back to hospital again.  Just an overnight stay for another blood transfusion.  It seems that the surviving cells from my old immune system ate still around, and still working - and part of what they're doing is fighting the friendly orange strangers with purple hats!
 
My platelets (for blood clotting etc) are back in normal range, the counts for the various white cells (for fighting infections etc) are heading back to normal levels - and certainly out of the dangerous zones. But my red cells are taking a long time to get back to normal.  According to the doctors I will probably continue to need monthly transfusions for the next year.  While I was aware of this in the back of my mind I'd been discounting it.  Everything else has been going so well that I'd subconsciously assumed that I'd sail through this part of the recovery on fast-forward as well. 
 
Ah well. 
 
Back on line on Monday.  and at least I'll be out on Sunday for Kira's birthday party.  4017 days old and counting....