Today is day 50 -
half way through the 'critical' first hundred days and so far everything seems
hunky dory.
I'm gradually
reducing my daily dose of steroids and have not yet had any sign of GVHD.
Of course while this is nice, in the long term a little GVHD would actually be a
good thing because of the Graft
Vs Leukaemia effect.
Like many things at
the moment - there seems to be no clear answer available - I just have to wait
and see. Deal with the things I can deal with, accept the things that are
beyond my control, and look for the wisdom to know the difference. And where
does that advice come from? I'm sure I knew once.
That's the health
side of things. But the rest of the physical side is less pleasing. I've never been a fitness
fanatic. Organised exercise has never appealed to me - I think the last
time I used a gym was probably while I was at school... But I have always
kept reasonably healthy - I swim (or swam...), walk, cycle, take the stairs,
play on the beach, etc and that's worked for me. My body has always responded
when I've needed it and done what I've asked.
Since coming out of hospital I've been weak. Squat in front of the fridge - and I need a conscious effort to stand and balance when I want to get up. Stand up too fast and I get that little low blood pressure dizzy moment. Carry a 4 litre bottle of water up two floors and I need to pause for breath at the top... Being this way just doesn't feel like me.
Since coming out of hospital I've been weak. Squat in front of the fridge - and I need a conscious effort to stand and balance when I want to get up. Stand up too fast and I get that little low blood pressure dizzy moment. Carry a 4 litre bottle of water up two floors and I need to pause for breath at the top... Being this way just doesn't feel like me.
So today I built a
pile of rocks.
I went for a walk to
the rocky end of the beach, sat down, and tossed a rock. Then another. And
another. And so on. Then I started bending down and moving the bigger ones and
clearing a space which I grew into a path. By the time I left I had a
pile about two metres square with a mostly cleared path around (or asquare)
it. I wasn't silly, I didn't strain myself, didn't move anything much
bigger than my head. But I shifted a lot of rocks, pebbles, stones and
frustration. I may be weak, and I may tire easily, but I don't have to be a
lump. I can exercise my body and I can and will grow
stronger.
I'll see how I feel
tomorrow too. If I'm stiff or really tired I'll rest. But if not, I'm going back
to shift more rocks.